"The Pause"

It is said that certain conditions or situations can give one pause. One condition that I am personally experiencing at the moment is the end of one stage in my life and the beginning of another. I am in the feminine “pause”. At first I considered all of the possible negative effects I had been experiencing such as the occasional hot flash or increase in blood pressure - then I had a revelation.

When this began, I was painfully ignorant of one effect that is particularly interesting. There may be periodic lapses in memory - or a “pause” in ones sanity. It began simply enough - I would answer a phone with words that we’re floating about my subconscious rather than saying “hello” or forget where I parked my car in the supermarket lot. These were all fairly easy to explain away as "stress". Then one day I attempted to unlock my front door with my car alarm. After studiously clicking the alarm at my front door for what must have been a good three minutes, I was horrified when my daughter pointed out the fact that a door key might be a better choice. I was terribly concerned about these disturbing incidents and informed my husband. He suggested I seek immediate medical or psychiatric attention.

He was very aware, that somewhere in my DNA lurks this streak of dementia; my grandmother and my mother both suffered greatly in their old age. Additionally, I began to worry that living through the 1960’s to the fullest may have added 20 plus years to my lifespan. What a relief to find temporary memory lapses were a completely normal symptom associated with the feminine “pause”. I was merely hormonally challenged – not totally deranged.

I pondered a bit more and quiered "Why not use this aspect of the “pause” to my benefit?" Why not celebrate every obnoxious symptom! It is not in my nature to be overtly feminine; fainting away at the sight of mere blood or taking to bed with a brandy, a bad mood and a hot flash. As with anything in life there are bad points and there are good points.

Living in a New England winter wonderland I am forced to walk my pooch in the wee hours of the dawn. Normal winter wear includes layers of flannel, socks and boots, gloves, a hat, a scarf and a flashlight. The past two month I have been stepping outside feeling refreshed by a 20 degree morning and wearing little but my bathrobe! Of course I will have to adapt during the summer months but, considering the above mentioned memory lapses, perhaps I shall forget the season.

When wondering if one should or should not buy those rap concert tickets, that piece of must-have jewelry, the crème puffs for two at the bakery, or any such thing – consider the “pause”. Should anyone question a lapse in economic or caloric judgment simply answer; “I must have been in the “pause”.

Caught with blank expression on face while planning a bakery stop: “I’m pausing”

Caught speeding whilst listening to 50cent? “Officer, I’m in the pause”

Need a mini-vacation at any time?

“The pause”

Need a little leverage? Explain to all loved one’s concerned, specifically those male members of the household who may have lived through their mother’s version of the “pause” – that you are in the same state. Terror!

It has a powerful effect. When someone you love (or loath for that matter) is being particularly annoying; smile at them while you are getting within range; be sweet about it; position yourself within a foot of their face and simply state “Please don’t talk (complain about my driving, etc.), I’m “pausing”.

Rejoice! It is always good to be woman.